From a presentation on mood theory this weekend.
People tend to disproportionately believe negative statements other people make about them as compared to positive ones. Or, in the words of one presenter.
"When people are told they did a good job or are patted on the back, they tend to brush it off and not believe it. When someone tells them they did a bad job, they think, you're right, I suck."
All 12 presentations this weekend were on theory. I felt like a far side cartoon by the end. My brain was full!
So - I've been wondering a little. Why do we do that? One statement is NOT truer than the other. And why do we let anyone else influence our mood anyway? We all impact each other. And it's hard not to let those nasty voices get in. Sometimes we feel like they are the voice of reason. And they are NOT.
So - I always talk to my children about tone. About how the way we say something is equally as important as what we say. The feelings behind our words are as important as what we say.
So then when I hear unharmonious clashing in the background of my house, I cringe. I flinch. I DO NOT LIKE IT Sam I am.
Well, the other day I took a little listen to myself and realized that maybe, just maybe, some of those clashing noises were not solely the responsibility of the little psyches that were perhaps mirroring some parental tonal behavior. (Frustration leads to fussing leads to, well, battle of the tones.)
It seemed like everyone was just trying to be the mother. To everyone else. And that was not going to work.
So I set my goal to be more gentle. To modify my tone. To realize that I had practically grown up people here that I was treating like they were still three and needed things repeatedly repeated.
I have shaped up my tone. And I think it's working. Our house is getting progressively calmer. And I am hearing the "dulcet tones" of my children in cooperation more and more often.
Luckily I am blessed with a very mature and wise oldest child who takes her own way and just radiates love and common sense no matter what I am doing.
And the S-Train. Well, I need to remind myself that he is almost 8. He is ready for a more grown up role and more grown up conversation. (And probably has been for awhile, but, well, he's the youngest and sometimes that makes that maturity harder to notice.)
Anyway. I have decided to be GENTLE. That is my new watchword. Because gentle with my children will continue to be reflected, I hope, in what I hear around me.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Oh Bleck!
Well that was fun. The whole groove thing lasted a whole oh, three or four hours.
If I'm generous it may have been almost 24.
It was such a nice feeling. On top of things. Accomplishing.
And..... we're back.
I know your just supposed to fake it til you make it. I will. Eventually.
Mananged to get through the presentation this weekend without quite killing my partners.
They came through in the end. One by the skin of his teeth.
I rated his work as satisfactory on our peer review.
I was nice.
But then, he does do well on presentations.
Meanwhile I missed hanging out with friends who were celebrating each other. YUCK!
I miss just doing things with people. Fun things.
My whole life right now is taken up with my kids' activities and other activities, at least in the evenings.
I'm cutting some back. But really I think that will just take things back to a dull roar.
Although it's true the time I'm saving will probably go into exciting things like actually having clean laundry and dinner made.
I feel like I'm on the edge of about four groups of people. Need to make time to make those more in depth.
And I'm not very good at keeping up social things for the kids either. I wish I was.
Next topic - Had a meeting with the kids. Trying to come up with ways to save so that we might possibly make it to a family reunion this summer. Probably no swim team this summer unless the girls want to pay for it themselves. Though I really want to make that work. As long as the roof and the car hold out it will probably work. They are going to have to hold out until I'm done with this grad school thing.
If it's possible I'll will them into staying put and in good working order.
Think Vulcan Mind Meld. You. Will. Be. Fine.
Mr. C. walked around on the roof last week because he was looking at fixing gutters.
They'll have to stay not fixed.
The roof was bowing under him a little.
I don't think that's a good sign.
The next night I had a dream about taking down soft sheetrock in an attic.
Luckily we don't have a working attic. So it must have been another house.
Right?
I do really feel that this is the right thing for me to do right now.
So I'm having faith that all will work out.
We gave everyone responsibilities to help out. Things like getting up early and making breakfast that's not cold cereal. Making sure we walk to school whenever possible, etc.
We have a plan. Now we have to work the plan.
Anyway, cheerier stuff tomorrow.
Cheerio!
If I'm generous it may have been almost 24.
It was such a nice feeling. On top of things. Accomplishing.
And..... we're back.
I know your just supposed to fake it til you make it. I will. Eventually.
Mananged to get through the presentation this weekend without quite killing my partners.
They came through in the end. One by the skin of his teeth.
I rated his work as satisfactory on our peer review.
I was nice.
But then, he does do well on presentations.
Meanwhile I missed hanging out with friends who were celebrating each other. YUCK!
I miss just doing things with people. Fun things.
My whole life right now is taken up with my kids' activities and other activities, at least in the evenings.
I'm cutting some back. But really I think that will just take things back to a dull roar.
Although it's true the time I'm saving will probably go into exciting things like actually having clean laundry and dinner made.
I feel like I'm on the edge of about four groups of people. Need to make time to make those more in depth.
And I'm not very good at keeping up social things for the kids either. I wish I was.
Next topic - Had a meeting with the kids. Trying to come up with ways to save so that we might possibly make it to a family reunion this summer. Probably no swim team this summer unless the girls want to pay for it themselves. Though I really want to make that work. As long as the roof and the car hold out it will probably work. They are going to have to hold out until I'm done with this grad school thing.
If it's possible I'll will them into staying put and in good working order.
Think Vulcan Mind Meld. You. Will. Be. Fine.
Mr. C. walked around on the roof last week because he was looking at fixing gutters.
They'll have to stay not fixed.
The roof was bowing under him a little.
I don't think that's a good sign.
The next night I had a dream about taking down soft sheetrock in an attic.
Luckily we don't have a working attic. So it must have been another house.
Right?
I do really feel that this is the right thing for me to do right now.
So I'm having faith that all will work out.
We gave everyone responsibilities to help out. Things like getting up early and making breakfast that's not cold cereal. Making sure we walk to school whenever possible, etc.
We have a plan. Now we have to work the plan.
Anyway, cheerier stuff tomorrow.
Cheerio!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
It's a Groove Thing
Ok, this entry is just boring to anyone else. It's just so I'll remember things are working!
17. Hitting my Groove. I feel like I'm finally getting a handle on moving quickly from one thing to another that I've got going. Finally. Of course that would happen just as they're all wrapping up!
I think that inside of me there is the scared 12 year old who just got called as Beehive President and has to call girls she's never met to let them know about activities. I was terrified I'd mess up the phone calls. I'm still just worried I'll screw things up, so I procrastinate. (And since lots of times waiting works out better, I keep doing it. Right now, that works with nothing I'm in the middle of.)
Well, a while ago I hit the point where I could cold call just about anyone. I'm no longer scared I'll mess up a phone call. And it looks like I've finally hit the point where procrastination definitely messes things up more than just getting it done. So, I am. And it's working. Now if I can just keep this up through the next phase.
17. Hitting my Groove. I feel like I'm finally getting a handle on moving quickly from one thing to another that I've got going. Finally. Of course that would happen just as they're all wrapping up!
I think that inside of me there is the scared 12 year old who just got called as Beehive President and has to call girls she's never met to let them know about activities. I was terrified I'd mess up the phone calls. I'm still just worried I'll screw things up, so I procrastinate. (And since lots of times waiting works out better, I keep doing it. Right now, that works with nothing I'm in the middle of.)
Well, a while ago I hit the point where I could cold call just about anyone. I'm no longer scared I'll mess up a phone call. And it looks like I've finally hit the point where procrastination definitely messes things up more than just getting it done. So, I am. And it's working. Now if I can just keep this up through the next phase.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
I'm going to. . . And then I might. . .
There are studies out now that say multitasking is bad for your brain.
The more you multitask, the worse you get at doing all your tasks.
Trying to do too many things at once doesn't work and hurts your ability to function quickly mentally.
By the end of May, I'm going to be toast.
The more you multitask, the worse you get at doing all your tasks.
Trying to do too many things at once doesn't work and hurts your ability to function quickly mentally.
By the end of May, I'm going to be toast.
Monday, April 11, 2011
The Weekend
10. Spring. Spring is coming up all over. Except for a little extra snow blown in a couple of weeks ago, we might be done. The snow boots got put away, then taken out, then worn to church.. . . well, it might be time to actually retire them for the summer!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I typed those first few exclaimation marks, then felt the urge to keep going. It was 88 last weekend. 88.
Unfortunately that helped me remember how well the car air conditioning works.
Luckily the next few weeks look open-the-windows-wide perfect!
Here are a few spring pictures.
These are from our last snow. These flowers are all gone now, blown away by the crazy wind we've been having.
11. Soccer soccer soccer. The S-Train did a LOT of running this weekend. Several kids on his team were missing this week, so everyone had to play the whole game. And they still won! The night before he had a birthday party at an inflatable jumping place. (Or what ever you call those places.). By Saturday night he was so worn out. He was great in class on Sunday. Connection. . . .?
12. Trains. Mr. C. just took the train out west for the first time. He's never been on a train. We thought it would be fun since it goes through high wild areas with (cross your fingers) lots of wildlife. He says it was a good experience. He also says it seems slow compared to a car, but you just read and watch the scenery go by. He said he didn't see tons of wildlife, but herds of 30 deer and 30 elk are a heck of a lot more than we would see in a car!
He went out for a mission reunion. Apparently it was a small group, but the timing was right for him to go out. He got to catch up with some MTC companions and share stories for hours. We think he so deserved a break after working so hard the last month to finish up a big project. Now we are smiling because there is . . .
13. No government shut down. Yeah for finally compromising! So Mr. C. gets to go back to work this week and the food storage breathes a huge sigh of relief, still safe in the basement.
14. Solo and Ensemble. Ah. Talented Children. The oldest went to play with her crazy quartet this weekend. They got a two. If only they had started a bit earlier I think they would have had a one. It was close.
They work so hard to find music for this crazy group. (Baritone, French Horn, Bassoon, Clarinet) We went to find music at a VERY good sheet music shop. The people there absolutely know music and know what they are talking about. One man there would look for music and then say, "Now, what's the instrumentation?" then look a bit more. "What's that instrumentation again?" They helped us for what seemed like a very long time. Then he said, "It's the baritone that's the problem."
(We think she's very nice!)
They went with Fugue by Mozart. They did a great job.
15. Social Children. Keep my life from being boring. We had three birthday parties. (And originally thought it was four!) A soccer game, soccer pictures, (that are now rescheduled) and solo and ensemble. We ended up spending an hour at one of Lou's friends houses as we dropped her off. I so needed the social time, too! She delightfully showed me her newly reorganized pantries! (They are beautiful, and I'm slightly covetous.) And her daughter's recently painted room. So fun. Then I took oldest out for a little shopping. (We need to get her ready for all her summer fun.) and got her back just in time to babysit. Then we all watched The Voyage of the Dawn Treader until bedtime. (great movie).
16. Great Deals. Got a cute on clearance skirt for even more on clearance! The oldest says she'll wear it. But she didn't jump up and down, so the jury's still out.
ps. Things I wonder about. While shopping we saw lots of girls out prom shopping. Why are there so many girls determined to wear short dresses that just don't have the legs for it? (I mean mid-thigh short). And why do their friends tell them they look great when the dress doesn't flatter them, or doesn't fit right, or she obviously isn't comfortable and is going to spend her entire prom night adjusting the dress? AAACK!
(And then the girl who looks spectacular in the dress she is in says it isn't her favorite and you know she's going to go for something that makes her look like a stuffed sausage. Double AAACK!)
I typed those first few exclaimation marks, then felt the urge to keep going. It was 88 last weekend. 88.
Unfortunately that helped me remember how well the car air conditioning works.
Luckily the next few weeks look open-the-windows-wide perfect!
Here are a few spring pictures.
11. Soccer soccer soccer. The S-Train did a LOT of running this weekend. Several kids on his team were missing this week, so everyone had to play the whole game. And they still won! The night before he had a birthday party at an inflatable jumping place. (Or what ever you call those places.). By Saturday night he was so worn out. He was great in class on Sunday. Connection. . . .?
12. Trains. Mr. C. just took the train out west for the first time. He's never been on a train. We thought it would be fun since it goes through high wild areas with (cross your fingers) lots of wildlife. He says it was a good experience. He also says it seems slow compared to a car, but you just read and watch the scenery go by. He said he didn't see tons of wildlife, but herds of 30 deer and 30 elk are a heck of a lot more than we would see in a car!
He went out for a mission reunion. Apparently it was a small group, but the timing was right for him to go out. He got to catch up with some MTC companions and share stories for hours. We think he so deserved a break after working so hard the last month to finish up a big project. Now we are smiling because there is . . .
13. No government shut down. Yeah for finally compromising! So Mr. C. gets to go back to work this week and the food storage breathes a huge sigh of relief, still safe in the basement.
14. Solo and Ensemble. Ah. Talented Children. The oldest went to play with her crazy quartet this weekend. They got a two. If only they had started a bit earlier I think they would have had a one. It was close.
They work so hard to find music for this crazy group. (Baritone, French Horn, Bassoon, Clarinet) We went to find music at a VERY good sheet music shop. The people there absolutely know music and know what they are talking about. One man there would look for music and then say, "Now, what's the instrumentation?" then look a bit more. "What's that instrumentation again?" They helped us for what seemed like a very long time. Then he said, "It's the baritone that's the problem."
(We think she's very nice!)
They went with Fugue by Mozart. They did a great job.
15. Social Children. Keep my life from being boring. We had three birthday parties. (And originally thought it was four!) A soccer game, soccer pictures, (that are now rescheduled) and solo and ensemble. We ended up spending an hour at one of Lou's friends houses as we dropped her off. I so needed the social time, too! She delightfully showed me her newly reorganized pantries! (They are beautiful, and I'm slightly covetous.) And her daughter's recently painted room. So fun. Then I took oldest out for a little shopping. (We need to get her ready for all her summer fun.) and got her back just in time to babysit. Then we all watched The Voyage of the Dawn Treader until bedtime. (great movie).
16. Great Deals. Got a cute on clearance skirt for even more on clearance! The oldest says she'll wear it. But she didn't jump up and down, so the jury's still out.
ps. Things I wonder about. While shopping we saw lots of girls out prom shopping. Why are there so many girls determined to wear short dresses that just don't have the legs for it? (I mean mid-thigh short). And why do their friends tell them they look great when the dress doesn't flatter them, or doesn't fit right, or she obviously isn't comfortable and is going to spend her entire prom night adjusting the dress? AAACK!
(And then the girl who looks spectacular in the dress she is in says it isn't her favorite and you know she's going to go for something that makes her look like a stuffed sausage. Double AAACK!)
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Side Trips into Childhood
What a difference even half an hour can make. Venting over.
Now we'll get back to smiling.
7. Walking home from school again. After that little vent yesterday I went to walk and pick the kids up from school. It was wonderful. Talked to two of my favorite teachers in the whole world. And the kids had a great time on the way home. The air is that perfect spring temperature of cool but not cold and warm but not hot. The S-Train grabbed a handful of sand out of the gutter and started sprinkling it around him. Then he and B pretended that everything it touched was alive. So we joined in and swayed when the sidewalk came alive and waved at the trees when they were supposed to come alive.
Everything can be better with a little side trip into childhood.
Here are a couple of other fun side trips we've taken recently.
8. First Grade Grins (picture to come)
9. Soccer Games we actually win.
and
10. Green fingernails for Mason. (picture also to follow)
Now we'll get back to smiling.
7. Walking home from school again. After that little vent yesterday I went to walk and pick the kids up from school. It was wonderful. Talked to two of my favorite teachers in the whole world. And the kids had a great time on the way home. The air is that perfect spring temperature of cool but not cold and warm but not hot. The S-Train grabbed a handful of sand out of the gutter and started sprinkling it around him. Then he and B pretended that everything it touched was alive. So we joined in and swayed when the sidewalk came alive and waved at the trees when they were supposed to come alive.
Everything can be better with a little side trip into childhood.
Here are a couple of other fun side trips we've taken recently.
8. First Grade Grins (picture to come)
9. Soccer Games we actually win.
and
10. Green fingernails for Mason. (picture also to follow)
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Vent
This is not something that makes me smile. This is a vent. I am in charge of Chat n Chew at our school this year. I did it last year too. Last year things seemed to go fine. This year everything is running smoothly except 2nd grade. 2nd grade has a cloud over its head. Especially one poor teacher's class. I don't understand it. Everything that can possibly go wrong has gone wrong - in her class.
In every other grade I am hearing how smoothly things are running. I am hearing how neatly it is working. I hear the kids are having a great time. In 95% of the school all is well. (Or at least, that's what they tell me.)
Meanwhile, for school I have a group project and one of our three members is MIA. The other took a week to get back to me. I'm ready to scream.
And - well. I could go on and list things, but I think I'm tired and crabby. I'm going to bed tonight at 6.
The funeral (life celebration) for Mason was yesterday. Lou was upset because I wouldn't let her go since she'd been throwing up the night before. She did her own thing to say good-bye on her own at the house. It was sweet and beautiful.
In every other grade I am hearing how smoothly things are running. I am hearing how neatly it is working. I hear the kids are having a great time. In 95% of the school all is well. (Or at least, that's what they tell me.)
Meanwhile, for school I have a group project and one of our three members is MIA. The other took a week to get back to me. I'm ready to scream.
And - well. I could go on and list things, but I think I'm tired and crabby. I'm going to bed tonight at 6.
The funeral (life celebration) for Mason was yesterday. Lou was upset because I wouldn't let her go since she'd been throwing up the night before. She did her own thing to say good-bye on her own at the house. It was sweet and beautiful.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Finishing Up the Time sucks
6. The first of the last. This week we have the first Chat n Chew Pizza parties!!! The beginning of the end. Yeah! Also - Deadlines for scouts are this week. And we hit the beginning of the end of scout camp deadlines. I feel behind in my schoolwork. (I'm actually right on, but I'm not far enough ahead to be comfortable.) And we are working on working on garage sale stuff - which will probably be at the end of April. So I am SO EXCITED to get to the beginning of the end of the mental diaspora that has been my life this last month. Maybe by June. . .
But then, I'm not sure if I'll know what to do without an overwhelming lot on my plate. I want to learn how. I'm cutting out PTA for next year in an effort to choose best over good and refocus on essentials. I feel a little busy for busy sake, and that needs to be fixed.
So - Yay for the beginning of the wrapping up of this school year!
My 7 year old has informed me there are only 7 more weeks til summer.
YIKES!
But then, I'm not sure if I'll know what to do without an overwhelming lot on my plate. I want to learn how. I'm cutting out PTA for next year in an effort to choose best over good and refocus on essentials. I feel a little busy for busy sake, and that needs to be fixed.
So - Yay for the beginning of the wrapping up of this school year!
My 7 year old has informed me there are only 7 more weeks til summer.
YIKES!
Friday, April 1, 2011
Happy Cleaning Shows
5. Cleaning to Decorating Shows. This doesn't necessarily apply today, because I'm mostly taking the day off except for a few key things that need taking care of, but -
I like to watch HGTV while I clean the kitchen.
It's so motivational.
How do I do that since I don't have cable, you ask?
It's this lovely invention called "watch full episodes" on the internet.
My new favorite is called "Sarah's House." You can find it here.
Oh, her style is so my style. I love pretty much everything she does.
(Of course there's stuff I'd change, but you know what I mean. She actually thinks about the practical side off stuff. Most don't, which is a beef I have with most TV designers.)
If only her budget was my budget too, I'd be in business.
Sometimes, if I run out of new episodes of a show I like, I try to find episodes of hoarders or something like it to watch.
That's very motivational too.
I like to watch HGTV while I clean the kitchen.
It's so motivational.
How do I do that since I don't have cable, you ask?
It's this lovely invention called "watch full episodes" on the internet.
My new favorite is called "Sarah's House." You can find it here.
Oh, her style is so my style. I love pretty much everything she does.
(Of course there's stuff I'd change, but you know what I mean. She actually thinks about the practical side off stuff. Most don't, which is a beef I have with most TV designers.)
If only her budget was my budget too, I'd be in business.
Sometimes, if I run out of new episodes of a show I like, I try to find episodes of hoarders or something like it to watch.
That's very motivational too.
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