Mood Theory

From a presentation on mood theory this weekend.

People tend to disproportionately believe negative statements other people make about them as compared to positive ones.  Or, in the words of one presenter.

"When people are told they did a good job or are patted on the back, they tend to brush it off and not believe it.  When someone tells them they did a bad job, they think, you're right, I suck."

All 12 presentations this weekend were on theory.  I felt like a far side cartoon by the end.  My brain was full!

So - I've been wondering a little.  Why do we do that?  One statement is NOT truer than the other.  And why do we let anyone else influence our mood anyway?  We all impact each other. And it's hard not to let those nasty voices get in.  Sometimes we feel like they are the voice of reason.  And they are NOT.

So - I always talk to my children about tone.  About how the way we say something is equally as important as what we say.  The feelings behind our words are as important as what we say.

So then when I hear unharmonious clashing in the background of my house, I cringe.  I flinch.  I DO NOT LIKE IT Sam I am.
Well, the other day I took a little listen to myself and realized that maybe, just maybe, some of those clashing noises were not solely the responsibility of the little psyches that were perhaps mirroring some parental tonal behavior.  (Frustration leads to fussing leads to, well, battle of the tones.)
It seemed like everyone was just trying to be the mother.  To everyone else.  And that was not going to work.

So I set my goal to be more gentle. To modify my tone.  To realize that I had practically grown up people here that I was treating like they were still three and needed things repeatedly repeated.
I have shaped up my tone.  And I think it's working.  Our house is getting progressively calmer.  And I am hearing the "dulcet tones" of my children in cooperation more and more often.

Luckily I am blessed with a very mature and wise oldest child who takes her own way and just radiates love and common sense no matter what I am doing.

And the S-Train. Well, I need to remind myself that he is almost 8.  He is ready for a more grown up role and more grown up conversation. (And probably has been for awhile, but, well, he's the youngest and sometimes that makes that maturity harder to notice.)

Anyway.  I have decided to be GENTLE.  That is my new watchword.  Because gentle with my children will continue to be reflected, I hope, in what I hear around me.